Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
