I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
