drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
