11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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