That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
