I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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