also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
