worst night to have a conscience
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize