Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
