When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
