Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
