Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
