Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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