why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
