According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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