i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
