oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
