as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Shame is for Republicans.
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