we have officially lost it.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
