Already got asked if we're dating
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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