went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
