just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Never underestimate the power of titties
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