Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
