Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
