Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize