I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
