How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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