I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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