the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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