i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
