I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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