I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
