So drunk its hurt
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
