I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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