Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I fill condoms, not promises.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
