Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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