how can u be prego again
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
