Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
