the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Randomize
