my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
