Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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