We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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