Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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