How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
