I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
