I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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