Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize