Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
