i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize