I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
