yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
