The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
