I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
