There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I could fuck to npr.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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