She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
