I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize