He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
