i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
