Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
