Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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