The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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