I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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